any other adhders out there that try and “bookmark” thoughts that you would like to think about when you’re done thinking about the thing you’re currently thinking about but you forget what the thing you wanted to think about was
Before a class starts, I take a piece of paper out of my notebook and title it "Junk Thoughts".
So at any point during the lecture, if I have any of those ADHD thoughts:
I need to send x an email about y.
I should really do the dishes.
That would be a good D&D plotline.
When is x person getting married?
Who killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand?
I can write them down and go back to focusing on the lecture. Sometimes I'll go back to that list and I won't actually need those thoughts, but it's good to have a list just in case.
So okay. When you have ADHD, one thing your brain is very very good at doing is making connections between things- ideas, concepts, people, states of mind, etc. This can be a superpower- if most people wouldn’t think to make a connection between doing a) and b), and you make that connection, sometimes you can outthink people who aren’t as good at snapping things together.
The problem comes in when you start connecting things that you don’t need to connect, like “mild displeasure” with “OH GOD EVERYONE HATES ME” or “I feel a little crummy” with “I AM THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD”.
So when we’re talking about Life Skills/ADLs, you gotta use that power to make your life easier, not harder. You gotta connect things when it makes your life better and NOT do it when it makes your life harder.
Here’s an example of the habits:
I had a stretch of time where I was too sick to do much of anything. I could barely get out of bed to get to the bathroom. I was walking with a stick and generally just… le dead. And one of the problems I had was that I could almost never remember to take my morning meds.
I decided that the first time I got up to use the bathroom every day, I’d take my meds. That way I was taking them no matter how crap I felt- I had to get up to pee, like it or not- and it was getting done pretty early in the morning.
Getting up to pee meant taking my meds; they were the same thing. I didn’t have to remember to take my meds separately, or set an alarm to remind myself, or anything like that. I just did it as part of something I had to do anyway.
As time went on and I started getting better, I realized I could do the same thing with other parts of my routine. If you connect something you need to do with something you have to do, the thing you need to do gets done.
So like… say I’m already in the habit of getting up to take a shower. I’ve lived in crappy apartments my entire life, so the water takes a minute to warm up. Since my countertop dishwasher is right outside my bathroom door, I’ll take a second to empty and load the dishwasher while the water’s still heating up. It just becomes part of the routine of taking a shower.
You don’t have to think about Doing The Extra Thing. Connecting it to something you’re already doing means that, after a certain point, it just… happens, automatically.
The problem comes in when you start trying to do this with tasks- things that you only have to get done once, that already have a fair few steps to them. Especially if that task is has a lot of steps, has a time limit, or is otherwise Hard for you.
Figuring out tasks with dependencies (I have to do this before I can do this!) is already hard for us ADHDers. Sometimes what happens is that you bundle two tasks together- you decide you can’t do something until you’ve done the other thing, even though these tasks are in no way connected.
Here’s an example:
I have three packages I need to mail. One of them is a gift for a friend in Australia, which costs a lot of money; one of them is a package for my Etsy store which is Not Finished Yet, and one is a very late Christmas package.
I might decide, “hey, I need to mail all three of these packages together! I can’t mail any of these packages until I bundle all of them!” But it’s probably smarter to mail them separately! I don’t want to make my friend with the late Christmas package wait any more, so I can mail that first, and then mail the Australia package when I have the money and the Etsy package when it’s finished.
But if I insist that I have to bundle these tasks… I won’t get any of them done. I’ll be too stressed out about the Etsy package not being done to mail the other two packages, and then I will run out of money for the Australia package, and the Christmas package will not get sent til Labour Day.
If you’re stressed out about a task with a lot of steps, sometimes it’s worth it to check and make sure you’re not bundling multiple tasks together. Can you do the thing without doing the thing that comes before? Do you have to do the other thing immediately after?
Dealing with
executive dysfunction and ADHD becomes so much easier when you stop trying to
do things the way you feel like you should
be able to do them (like everyone else) and start finding ways that
actually work for you, no matter how “silly” or “unnecessary”
they seem.
For
years my floor was constantly covered in laundry. Clean laundry got
mixed in with dirty and I had to wash things twice, just making more
work for myself. Now I just have 3 laundry bins: dirty (wash it
later), clean (put it away later), and mystery (figure it out later).
Sure, theoretically I could sort my clothes into dirty or clean as
soon as I take them off and put them away straight
out of the dryer, but
realistically that’s never going to be a sustainable strategy for me.
How
many garbage bins do you need in a bedroom? One? WRONG! The correct
answer is one within arms reach at all times. Which for me is three.
Because am I really going to
get up to blow my nose when I’m hyperfocusing? NO. In
allergy season I even have
an empty kleenex box for “used
tissues I can use again.”
Kinda gross? Yeah. But less gross than a
snowy winter landscape of dusty germs on my
desk.
I
used to be late all the time
because I couldn’t find my house key. But it costs $2.50 and 3
minutes to copy a key, so now there’s one in my backpack, my purse,
my gym bag, my wallet, my desk, and hanging on my door. Problem
solved.
I’m
like a ninja for getting pout the door past reminder notes without noticing. If I really don’t want to forget something, I make a
physical barrier in front of my door. A
sticky note is a lot easier to walk past than a two foot high
cardboard box with my wallet on top of it.
Executive dysfunction is always going to cause challenges, but often half the struggle is trying to cope by pretending not to have executive dysfunction, instead of finding actual solutions.
i left cabinet doors open all my life and couldn’t make myself stop leaving them open until i figured out my subconscious just wants to know where everything is at a glance. i put labels on each cabinet door for what was behind the cabinet and after that i was a lot better at closing them.
showers are hard for me because they involve a lot of steps to get in and out. buying cleaning hand wipes helps me stay a lot cleaner and happier when i’m too tired or distracted to make myself be a normal person– they’re faster and involve way less prep time, decision making, and unpleasant physical sensations.
i have disordered eating because, again, getting food is complicated, much less cooking anything. buying 10-12$ of cliff bars at a go and keeping them in my room by my bed gives me a headstart on breakfast and lets me take my meds on time. otherwise i would lie in bed, not taking my meds because i had to eat, and not eating because i was too tired and nauseous from being hungry to get out of bed.
‘just try harder’ is not a solution. figuring out the actual problem and addressing it is the solution.
’normal’ isn’t the goal. you can’t be normal. it’s too late, but you know what, fuck normal. trying to be normal is going to kill you. ‘functional’ is the goal, and you can be functional. you can kick ass at functional. and that’s a lot better.
When I talk about how there is no universal system for Keeping Your Shit Together, and how it’s more important to find a system that works for you, this is exactly the kind of thing I mean.
My keys hang on the door so I literally can’t leave my apartment without touching them. My socks kept getting everywhere when I kept them with my other clothes, so instead I now keep them in a little hutch in the kitchen, where I keep all my shoes. All my silverware is in jars on my kitchen island so I can see clearly when I am out of forks. When I didn’t want to put on my socks to go running, I bought running shoes that didn’t require socks. There are people who would find all of the above unworkable and/or appalling but they don’t have to live my life and I do.
Find what works for you and work it. Doesn’t matter if it’s weird or unusual or not as healthy as some weird ideal which is probably just a marketing tool anyway. If it works, work it.
ADHD: *puts off doing small but necessary tasks for weeks on end because they just seem too haaaaaaard*
also ADHD: *drops everything and spends 14 hours straight doing 150% of an unnecessary and highly-involved task that no one asked for without taking a single break to eat or pee*
So you just finished a chapter of your work in progress. Congrats! Seems like a good place to stop, right?
But wait! Before you go take that much-needed break, do this: Write three sentences of the next chapter. That’s it. Three sentences. Now you’re done.
It will be much, much easier for you to come back to it when you feel like you’re already in the middle. You just got rid of the most difficult part of doing anything: Starting.
This also works for:
crafts! go sew a few stitches of that next seam before taking a break.
art! go shade in a bit of that next section before you stop.
homework! go do five minutes of that next subject first.
sometimes being a Responsible Adult™ doesn’t mean cooking a balanced meal. sometimes it means adding a spoonful of nut butter to your microwave meal so at least you get some protein.
sometimes it means buying a gallon of the one brand of vegetable juice u like, so you get some green stuff into your diet.
sometimes it means running the dishwasher twice when u can’t rinse stuff by hand, of using paper plates so the dishes don’t pile up.
sometimes being a Responsible Adult™ means getting your body & mind the stuff it needs in an unconventional way. sometimes it means realizing there is no such thing as the “right” way. there is only what you can manage, and what works for your situation.
Do you have any advice for ADHD writers? I'm still trying to find a workaround for "I need to do that boring scene but it's physically impossible and painful to make myself write it". Plus you can't really write books/comics if you drop literally every project you start
I’m not much of a writer myself so I’m not sure how much help I can really be but I’ll try! I employ something similar to a lot of these tips when it comes to my art and even just everyday living, so maybe they can be applied to writing in some ways too.
Skip it. If a scene is boring right now, put a placeholder (preferably in large or colourful font so you don’t forget about it later) and move on. Maybe writing what comes next will inspire the events that lead up to it.
Make it less boring. Can you change something about the scene to make it more appealing, both to write and possibly to read? Have your exposition occur during an action scene or have a quiet moment take place in a location that you particularly enjoy describing.
Get rid of it. Does the scene need to be there or can you communicate the same information/plot points in a different part of the story?
Write the first thing that comes to mind. Sometimes you just need to get a garbage first draft down and then you can worry about editing it and making it good later. Start with the worst, simplest sentences you know (or even just bullet points) to get the relevant ideas somewhere other than in your head.
Write it out of order. If starting a boring scene is giving you trouble, maybe ending it and then working backwards or jumping around to different places will be easier.
Write it how you would say. I often have to describe what I’m doing verbally as I do it to keep myself on track, so maybe you could try describing the scene out loud and then write it exactly as you’ve said it. Include every “um” and half finished sentence, then go back and weed out the actually story afterwards.
Set the mood. I know some ADHDers consider music a distraction while others (myself included) can’t do anything without it. If you’re in the latter camp, try finding a song that really sets the tone for the scene and helps you get into it.
Remember that done can be better than perfect. A finished good project is probably better than a perfect nonexistent one. If you find the pressure to write something amazing is stopping you from writing at all, give yourself the freedom to be mediocre once in a while. Being able to say “it’s good enough” has gotten me through a lot of my art. Plus, no one consuming your work will know what was “supposed” to be there, so they won’t have any hypothetical superior version to compare it to.
Bonus: Write what works for you. I’m hesitant to include this one because it’s less of a tip and more of a… “something to consider”, but I can speak from personal experience when I say I don’t have the attention span to put more than maybe a dozen hours into any single project and, for me, that’s a limitation I’m learning to work within, rather than around. I limit myself to short form writing and simpler artworks because I know I can finish them before I get bored and that’s been a lot more enjoyable for me as a creator. Obviously this isn’t helpful if you’re committed to producing larger works, but if you find yourself running into this problem consistently, maybe a change of medium would be less frustrating for you.
Calling all ADHD writers! What problems do you experience while writing and what strategies have you found to help deal with them?
fuzzystims